children suck

Picture it. October, 2001. An advanced science class filled with students who should have never been allowed into an advanced science class. The teacher is lecturing about material presented in our science books. Material we had been instructed to read the day before, even though it was going to be explained to us the next day in class anyway. But I digress. Muted, insistant chattering can be heard in the background. All of a sudden, a girl whips her head around towards the teacher and asks loudly, "Do bears swim?" Relevance to the topic of discussion: 0. The teacher is a little busy deciding whether he should laugh or cry, so the girl ('the girl' will henceforth be called 'Alison' to minimize confusion) elaborates: "Alex says bears don't swim, but if bears didn't swim, how do polar bears go hitting up on the fish?" Thus, Alison's fish-hitting polar bears came to be reffered to as 'swimming bears.'

Later, the teacher is creating two hypothetical communities. One is dubbed 'Alisonville,' whereas the other is 'Alex Town.' Alex immediately declares that the 600 individuals of some mythical species are now 600 swimming bears. The teacher hesitantly goes along with this and says, "If a flood were to hit both 'Alisonville' and 'Alex Town,' which community would be more heavily affected?"

"HAH! I knew those swimming bears would serve me well."

To end this entry on an even more pathetic note (yeah, it gets worse), we watched 'Sailor Moon' in Japanese today. They baked cookies to mack on some ugly dudes that are definitely not at the top of the bishounen heap. They spoke of how their mothers used to bake them cookies and cakes. Then some other dude with a pipe (the instrument, not the crack utensil) waltzes in and makes all the kids walk into this flying ship in the shape of a snail, and while the children are walking, they're singing this eerie song about ingesting tons of chocolate and candy. Then the Sailor Scouts bust up the scene and paint their fingernails and whip on their mobius strips/skirts, only to have their superhero plans foiled by these blue balloon/children hybrids called 'BonBon Babies.' Then Tuxedo Mask flounces out of a nearby tree and falls smack on his head four or five times. We never got to see the riveting conclusion, though, because the bell rang and my weekend wasn't going to be shortened because of some chicks with more brain-power than clothes.

But yeah, I never liked children.