one through five

1. well, so much for that job i "landed." my first day was june 5th. on the 7th, andy, my boss' boss (or is it "my boss's boss"?), called. apparently there aren't enough houses lined up to keep three crews of six busy. consequently, i'll be out of work until late june at the earliest and early july at the latest. unless, of course, i can find work elsewhere. and that would be ideal. because basically i was told that i'm dispensable, and that's a huge turn-off. not to mention the fact that manual labor isn't exactly my forte. which is probably why i'm dispensable, now that i think about it.

anyway, i have an interview at a portrait studio this upcoming tuesday. unfortunately i submitted my resume before i finished reading the job description. the portrait studio is looking for a photographer, all right. a photographer who loves and, more importantly, is good with children. and let me tell you, that is not me. i don't know what i'd do if a child i had to photograph started crying. "i implore you to shut the fuck up"? somehow i don't think that would fly. i hope that's not an interview question.

"let's say you're getting ready to take a picture of a child and that child begins to cry out of the blue. what do you do?"

"reason with it."

and i'm sure referring to a child as an "it" would score me points with the interviewer. in my defense, when the interviewer called to schedule an interview, it went like this:

"hello?"

"is this amanda?"

"i'm afraid you have the wrong number."

"WAIT. kate. is this kate? the girl i called right before you, her name is amanda."

WISH ME LUCK.

2. at the grocery store closest to my house they sell condoms and diapers side by side, which i find downright hilarious.

3. recently my mom has started buying real chocolate chip cookies. "but kate, how do you know that they're real chocolate chip cookies?" you ask? why, because it's written right there on the box, that's how! "real chocolate chip cookies." i know it used to keep me up at night. worrying whether the chocolate chip cookies i'd been eating up until recently were real or not. "maybe that chocolate chip cookie i ate earlier today was fake." but no more! no more.

4. this past week i was watching a dr. phil rerun (i implore you to shut the fuck up) that i had seen once before, when i saw a commercial for stanley steamer, a business that steam-cleans carpeting, as its name implies. in the commercial an attractive but non-threatening wife and mother says directly into the camera at the audience, "stanley steamer doesn't just make sure my carpet gets clean. they make sure their employees are clean, too. they run drug tests and background checks on all of their employees." then a list pops up (in case you need a visual, i guess):

- Drug tested
- Background checked
- Professionally trained

i found it interesting that "professional training" was the last item on the list. maybe it's just me, but isn't professional training more important than a drug test and a background check combined? i mean, i'm drug-free. and i don't have a criminal record. but i'm willing to bet that you still wouldn't pay me to steam-clean your carpeting.

5. five years ago, di assured me that a thong would be the most comfortable underwear i'd ever wear. at the time i didn't believe her. now, having worn a thong, i still don't believe her.

abruptly ending now.