she knows it's too late

I spent five hours shopping for clothes with Resa two Saturdays ago at the Mall of America. I tried on clothes at almost every clothing store in the mall in one go. At one point we visited this store that opened up recently that sells all things peanut butter, where we sampled various flavors of peanut butter. I ended up buying chocolate milk instead of handing over $4.95 for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Resa stopped by for a few minutes last week before her trip to Russia to pick up a book I said I would lend her and, more importantly, to say goodbye.

Friday was a mixed bag.

I got up at 5:30 and took a long, hot shower with scented soaps and shampoos. Di swung by around 7 for breakfast at Burger King.

We were talking and I pointed out a van that looked like hers, parked outside a donut shop. She hypothesized that at that moment in an alternate universe she was getting donuts.

Di stuffed handfuls of after-dinner mints into her coat pockets while we waited for croissant sandwiches and hash browns and orange juice.

Sensei threw a Japanese food party, steamed rice and eel and avocado rolled up in sheets of roasted seaweed, stacked cans of Sierra Mist. Towards the end she performed a hula dance and I snapped a few photos. Afterwards she had everyone bow and say "ganbatte kudasai" to me, which basically means "please do your best." I came close to crying.

I was in psych and Jack turned around and said, "Here, I got this for you," chocolate, a stick of Starburst candy, fruit snacks, Doritos, and I leaned over my desk and gave him a huge hug.

At the end of the day I handed in all of my text books, got a copy of my drop slip from guidance, and cleaned out my locker.

I got stopped a lot. People asked questions, like when I'm going to the land of the rising sun and how long I'm staying there, and wished me good luck.

I had dinner with some friends Sunday. Sensei cooked Chinese dumplings and salad and rice, and for desert we dipped mochi in soy sauce and brown sugar and drank green tea. Sara, the last exchange student, told me horror stories about her experiences in Japan and I ended up back home feeling really, really scared.

You know, up until recently I thought flying halfway across the world and living in a foreign country for almost a year would be relatively easy. Now that Pat's living two thousand miles away nothing is keeping me here, in this country I broke up with months ago. Sometimes, though, I wake myself up in the middle of the night unable to breathe because I'm so scared.

Anyway, I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow so I can apply for a check card and drive my parents to work.

Goodnight, moon.