sanitized for my protection

'How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Gather 'round, children, for today you shall find out.' (�1999-2001 by Fwat.)

That's right, young ones, it's story time.

Picture it. June, 2001. A hotel in San Francisco, California. Resa and I are exhausted from an hour-long session of 'War' (the card game, we weren't testing out some newly-discovered guerilla warfare tactics on the flight attendants) during a, sadly, uneventful three-hour plane ride from the Motherland. (When I returned to the Motherland, my knees buckled and I kissed the dusty pavement, grateful over the absense of hills. God, I hate hills.) I rip a chair away from a desk and throw myself into it, vowing never to play another game of 'War' again (yeah, that one was broken on the plane ride back home). Resa decides to get herself a chilly, refreshing glass of water, and goes off in search of a cup. She walks back into the room with a smug expression on her face and goes, 'This cup was sanitized for my protection.'

This was immediately and delicately added to the bank of inside jokes. Apparently the hotel staff puts these small paper sacks over all of their glassware, assuring young and old alike that the glass is indeed sanitized soley for the purpose of their well-being. I think we can all safely assume that they're doing that so their asses don't get sued, not because they want to go on a baby-kissing/hand-shaking excursion. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I saved one of the paper covers for myself (what can I say? It tickled me), then I gave one to my koishii, since I was there to visit him that week. I'm sure it's a prized possession of his. If he were a small bed-wetting girl, the 'sanitized for your protection' bag would serve as a teddy bear-like figure, something to hug the stuffing out of during the night.

For the entire week, whenever Resa said that something was 'sanitized for [my and/or her] protection,' I busted up laughing. I have since decided to start up a collection of things that have been sanitized or otherwise made better for my protection.

Look what I found yesterday to add to my collection!

Oh, and on a sidenote, check out this e-mail I got (courtesy of Lynn):

Hotmail Notice!

Attention Hotmail Users:

Due to a recent increase in the number of Hotmail users, we have found that our free web-based e-mail service has become too popular for our resources. Because of this, we are going to begin charging a fee to the users who are not sufficiently taking advantage of the technology we are providing them. The users who receive this email and do not forward it to at least 15 people will be charged a fee of $25.00 per month. I have conferred with my associate S. Jobs [Screw Jobs?], and we have agreed that this is an appropriate amount.

Sincerely,
William Gates, CEO Microsoft Inc.

Look, Mommy! Look at the complete and utter bullshit! Look at how it wobbles like tofu!