why i'm going to hell

To back up a little, two days ago my dad finally broke down and went to the doctor, and as it turns out he's had bronchitis for almost a month now. For the past two weeks or so he's been coughing to the point of gagging nonstop, and let me tell you, I am about to flip my shit. Apparently my mom is on the same boat, because she looked up home remedies for bronchitis online yesterday and found that if you put two or three drops of eucalyptus oil in boiling water and inhale the steam, it can clear up your bronchial passages. My dad decided to give it a go.

With all that said, this is why I'm going to hell:

Not only did I take a picture of my dad at his worst (with my cell phone, no less!), but now I'm posting that picture on my online diary side-by-side next to a picture of Emperor Palpatine.

I can't possibly be the only one who thinks my dad bears a striking resemblance to a dark sith lord. Leave a comment and let me know whether or not you agree. That way my eternal damnation will be worth every excruciating second.

Since I've already covered one of the many reasons why I'm going to hell, I might as well mention a few more that I've been meaning to bring up for the past... four months or so.

First off, knowing full well that Jackie is scared to death of black people, I decided to leave this note on her car door while she was busy at work:

Just in case you can't make out what it says I'll translate (even though you're probably better off not knowing):

Jackie,

I'm black and I'm going to rape you.

(Unwanted) Hugs and Kisses,
Jamal

P.S. Look behind you.

If you look closely you can even see my reflection in the car door!

Secondly, I taped my high school grammar teacher's prized tin cup to the wall, out of reach.

You wouldn't believe how much tape it takes to pull off a stunt like that.