llamas and handcuffs and babies, oh my
jackie's birthday party was over a week ago and i'm just getting around to writing about it now. i totally suck at this.
it was absolutely perfect, i must say. and i expected nothing less. the 2 days leading up to her birthday i essentially had no free time. practically every second i wasn't in school was spent driving, spending, brainstorming, and planning along with di and matt (and to some extent, resa).
it all started on tuesday, 2 days before jackie's birthday, when di, matt and i spent a total of like 2 hours shopping at the deathstar (the mall of america). from the start i knew exactly what i wanted to get jackie: a policeman's hat and badge. di and matt, on the other hand, hadn't given it a lot of thought. luckily jackie is incredibly easy to shop for.
finding a policeman's hat in february was a lot harder than i'd expected. they didn't have what i was looking for at kbtoys OR at spencer. i did, however, find a badge and handcuffs and kbtoys. the salesperson had to have known that i wasn't shopping for a kid, because he kept emphasizing that the handcuffs were real metal. that was actually what sold me on them.
both at kbtoys and at spencer i was told that if i'd asked about policeman's hats back in october they would've had them in stock. no kidding.
i called party city from the deathstar and was promised a policeman's hat, but as it turned out all they had were policeman's helmets. di insisted that jackie would like the helmet even more, but i wasn't so sure. regardless, we ended up buying it, along with a jewel-studded tiara, which di's mom hot glue gunned on top.
on wednesday, 1 day before jackie's birthday, di, matt and i drove all the way to resa's dorm to pick her up and back. we ate out at chipotle before heading over to the grocery store for sugar cookie dough and frosting.
(di, matt, and resa, in that order, standing in line at the grocery store. di and resa are standing on their tiptoes in a vain attempt to be taller than matt.)
then the 4 of us went to my house where we made the sugar cookies and decorated them with BABY FACES. jackie has a thing for dead baby jokes, eating babies, etc., so by making baby cookies she was effectively able to eat babies. it was all matt's idea.
di, resa and i busted our asses drawing baby faces so we'd be done by 7 and di and resa could attend the coffee house at school. i didn't go. talk about having bigger fish to fry. the coffee house, by the way, is basically 2 hours nonstop of shitty singing accompanied by shitty acoustic guitar. most instruments require at least 2 or 3 years of study before you'd even think of performing, but unfortunately that is not the case with acoustic guitar, thanks to tabbing and bands like green day. whenever i go to a party where a guitar is present, there's always at least one person who can't resist playing, especially if the guitar in question is electric and hooked up to an amp. if the person i'm describing is you, i'm here to tell you that that needs to stop, no matter how talented you are, because you are simply too loud. in conclusion, STFU.
anyway. thursday was jackie's 18th birthday. i dressed up like a schoolgirl for the occasion, with a plaid skirt and kneehighs. i got to school like 10 minutes early so i could be there when di presented jackie with her... helmet-tiara.
(jackie and di)
after lunch, di, matt and i took jackie aside and gave her her presents. she opened di's first: a "bite-size" baby doll play set, a pink-rhinestone-studded cross necklace, and a diamond ring that can grow up to 6 times its normal size when placed in water. then she opened my present and absolutely freaked out over the (real metal) handcuffs. throughout the entire day she'd play with them whenever her hands were free.
while jackie was opening presents, taryn pulled me aside and asked if she could take my picture for the trends page in the yearbook. this is ironic because (1) it wasn't until last year that i really started to take an interest in clothes and dressing well, and (2) for like 10 years i hated taryn with every fiber of my being for "stealing" practically all of my friends in elementary school and for just being a stupid bitch in general. since then i've decided that there's no point in hating her, or anybody, for that matter.
in english di and i brought jackie to the front of the classroom and unveiled the baby cookies.
(this picture doesn't have anything to do with the baby cookies, but it was taken during english. if you look closely you can see the bite-size baby and the handcuffs in jackie's purse.)
most of the class was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of eating a cookie decorated to look like a baby, so we had a lot more leftover cookies than expected. on the one hand i was kind of disappointed that no one was willing to try my delicious cookies, but on the other hand i'm greedy and wanted as many cookies as i could get my hands on.
that day we had a reader response discussion about the awakening by kate chopin. at one point i was trying to make a serious and well thought out contribution to the discussion when di placed a baby cookie on my desk and i burst out laughing, and just like that the validity of my point vanished.
it wasn't just ANY baby cookie; it was my FAVORITE baby cookie. it's kind of hard to describe. it was slightly smaller than the rest and looked like its cheeks were puffed out, so di had drawn a little dot as the mouth instead of the big gaping toothless grin we had drawn on the other cookies.
after school, jackie was packing up her backpack and putting her coat on when di suddenly came up behind her and blindfolded her with my hooded sweatshirt and cuffed her. we screamed and swore at her, like any good kidnapper would do. unfortunately i ruined it because i couldn't stop laughing. di and some underclassmen guy i've never met before led jackie out to my car. the plan was to take jackie to the sheep and llama farm by the deathstar, but we had been in the car for less than 5 minutes when we realized that none of us knew how to get there. we stopped in a random parking lot, called resa on jackie's cellphone for directions, and took off. di gave me directions in japanese so jackie wouldn't figure out where we were going. we told her we were going to take her to the ghetto and leave her there by herself (jackie's afraid of black people and lower-middle class suburbia) and turned up some rap music to get her pumped up (and scare the shit out of her). after about 15 minutes we arrived, and took off her blindfold in front of a flock of sheep.
(if it looks like jackie's in pain, it's because she is. apparently she'd gotten some hair in her eyes and she was blinded by the light, blah blah blah.)
we didn't think we'd be able to see the sheep up close since the farm is private property, but by chance one of the farm employees drove up and agreed to give us a tour of the farm. we got to make friends with and take pictures of llamas, sheep, horses, donkeys, goats, one lamb, and one fucking HUGE dog. the llamas walked right up to us but kept their distance; the sheep made a run for it as soon as they saw us approaching; the horses nuzzled our hands; the donkeys and goats didn't do much of anything (boo); the lamb ran in circles trying to get away from us; and the dog barked barked barked.
from this point on i don't have any pictures, at least not yet. the 2nd roll is still being developed. i'll post them as soon as i can.
we went out for dinner at byerly's (a classy grocery store) and bought an entire cake for dessert, a white cake with chocolate frosting and balloons. the lady working behind the counter at the bakery asked what we wanted written on the cake, so we made jackie plug her ears and eventually decided on "I <3 the Pope." i asked her if it was the weirdest request she'd ever gotten and she said it was definitely up there. she was just about to write the message when she stopped and asked di and i, "did i hear you right?" and we said, "yes, you definitely did." the cake turned out beautifully and we lit 18 candles, much to the annoyance of the cafe staff.
my 18th birthday is this week on the 25th and i highly doubt jackie's birthday can be topped. plans are already in motion for di's birthday on march 2nd. the weekend after she turns 18 we're all going to a strip club, plus resa, who has been patiently waiting ever since her 18th birthday in 2003, and anyone else who wants to go and is of legal age (sorry, matt).
i have a piano lesson and a pep band on my birthday, so i'm preparing myself for only a so-so 18th birthday. jackie's mom is having surgery the day before and di is currently in new york. chances are a lot of planning won't go into it.
in 5 more days i'll be legal.