poor life decision

for the next 10 months this is how im going to type, no capitalized letters or apostrophes or quotation marks.

thursday night was nice. pat promised to email often and maybe to come back someday. i couldnt tell.

at one point i asked what he was thinking about.

i love asking him this, because usually his answer is totally off-topic.

this time he said something about rhythm. apparently hed seen some tv program about it the week before.

the next day, pat drove me to the airport. i handed over the money for a personal pan pizza and two snapple elements, even though i wasnt hungry.

i didnt cry, i didnt have anything to say till my row was called and i hugged pat goodbye. then suddenly i had a lot to say, but didnt because i didnt want to start bawling in the middle of the airport. that, and i didnt know how to say it.

i spent the 11-hour flight reading and watching movies and napping.

after that, everythings a blur.

hours and hours in line at tokyo. immigration, customs. dragging my luggage, blistered hands. there was some huge mix-up and i had to take an hour-long bus ride to another airport and catch a later flight. in osaka, my host family picked me up, and at one point, in the car, i nodded off and hit my head against the window. hot milk, sleep sleep sleep.

i get my own bedroom. with a western-style bed and a desk and a dresser and a shelf and a full-length mirror.

i woke up early this morning.

i went to pop in my contacts and noticed one was missing. i looked and looked, but after awhile i gave up and washed the other one down the sink. as soon as it spiraled down the drain i found the one i had lost and i felt like screaming, THIS ISNT FUNNY.

then i took a shower.

the last time i was in japan, my host mother would often walk in while i was showering and then try to communicate some complex idea to me in english, like, hey, the hot water is off. and id be dripping and naked and trying desperately to cover myself and at the same time look nonchalant.

so today, i was completely paranoid. i had this whole system worked out. open the door, grab an article of clothing, shut the door, put on the article of clothing, repeat repeat repeat.

just so no one would see me naked.

anyway.

after that, i sent off a quick email to pat, ate a big breakfast, walked around town with moegi and took a bunch of pictures, shopped, helped make dinner, and watched tv.

ive pretty much had a stomachache ever since i got here. motion sickness and the thought of eating more japanese food and man do i miss pat and all my friends and english.

and i really want to get some sleep. my body hurts all over.

abruptly ending now.

(ps - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAT!)