pro-life america, this silly shit's gotta stop

it's 8:15 p.m. the portrait studio closed 15 minutes ago. the lights are out, the cash register is open, and i'm putting the money away.

a couple walks by, pushing a baby carriage. they stop and take a look around at the promotional posters hanging up.

the portrait studio is inside a department store that closes at 9, so this is not at all unusual.

the couple comes up to the counter and asks me how much an 8X10 portrait costs. i'm annoyed, because, like i said, we're closed. like i said, the lights are out, the cash register is open, and i'm putting the money away. i'm annoyed, because english is not their native language and i've been here since 12 and i don't have the patience for this. not on a saturday.

but i bite my tongue, and i tell them how much an 8X10 costs. i answer all of their questions, and at the same time i put the money away.

then they say, "our baby's sleeping."

and i say, "i'm not sure what you're getting at."

and they say, "our baby's sleeping. we'll wake him up."

and that's when i realize: they think that the portrait studio is open and, what's more, that we take walk-ins.

and we do - in theory. but in practice, weekends book up at least a week in advance, if not sooner.

and i say, "oh. we closed at 8. but even if we hadn't, we're booked this weekend."

now they're annoyed. "we'll come back tomorrow, then."

that's when i pick up the register and fling it at them and scream at the top of my lungs, "I JUST SAID WE'RE BOOKED THIS WEEKEND!!!"

i need a job working with unicellular organisms in test tubes instead of with people.

and contrary to what pro-life america says, a human zygote - or a human fetus, for that matter - IS NOT A BABY.

speaking of pro-life america, has anybody else noticed that their billboards depict the ugliest babies ever? which is quite an accomplishment, really. at the portrait studio we mostly photograph babies, so i've seen hundreds of them, if not thousands. even so, i've only seen a few babies that made me think, "that is one ugly baby."

are ugly babies part of pro-life america's strategy? do they want pro-choicers to see their ugly babies and think "i feel sorry for that ugly baby. that baby is so ugly that aborting it would be like adding insult to injury" and become a pro-lifer?

no, that can't be it. if pro-life america cared about adding insult to injury they wouldn't put the ugly babies in oversized sunglasses and backwards baseball caps.

whatever. i'm probably overanalyzing. i doubt pro-life america has put that much thought into it, if all they can come up with is "my heart was beating 24 days after conception" (or 12 days - it varies from billboard to billboard) and "god says: my life is precious." well, god also says that eating shellfish is an abomination.

that, and he doesn't exist.

Z-Z-ZING!