you were there

there's so much i haven't written about yet. di's birthday party and the strip club and and and.

but before i get to that... i beat ICO today! i think there were only around 7 hours of gameplay. there were no save points the last hour or two of the game so i'm not exactly sure.

it's interesting to me that ICO was (is) so immensely popular despite (1) being like 6 times shorter than the average RPG and (2) having an incredibly simple and straightforward storyline.

even though it was only 7 hours long it seemed like i put so much more time into it than that. i probably did. i must have died at least 20 times. but because ICO is 90% puzzle-solving, it requires a lot more energy than, for instance, suikoden, where you invest hours and hours into leveling up, acquiring items, and recruiting characters, all of which are relatively mindless endeavors.

i must say, i loved ICO. even though i have never been good at solving puzzles there were very few puzzles in ICO that i absolutely could not figure out.

what i loved the most, though, was how ico and ***** protect one another even though they don't even speak the same language.

anyway. enough about ICO.

di's birthday party was an extravaganza. it took over a week for jackie and i to plan. between resa, jackie, matt and me, over 80 dollars total was spent.

we ended up celebrating the day before di's birthday, because... well. because. i don't want to relive it by getting into the why.

anyway. di had to stay after school for a few minutes, so jackie, matt and i took that opportunity to prepare.

what's ironic about my misspelling of the word birthday is that i actually said to jackie, "i probably fucked up and misspelled 'birthday' or something." and we laughed. it wasn't until hours later when matt pointed it out that we realized that i had, in fact, misspelled "birthday." as pat used to say, bah!

then the three of us stopped by matt's house so matt could change into a tuxedo g-string.

i'm sure that matt will hate me for all eternity for posting this on the internet and not even bothering to change his name. all i have to say to that is, that's what you get for not letting me take your picture while you were wearing it, you dumb fucker!

on the way back to school jackie and matt took turns blowing up an inflatable sheep with a hole in the ass for your penis. a penis. it was a small hole. i checked. a small hole for a small penis.

after we got back to school we split up. jackie hid in the back seat of her car with the windows rolled down so she would be able to hear us coming. matt and i went to find di.

when di asked where jackie was we knew how to respond. we had already decided on a believable answer because we knew she would ask. i said, "jackie went ahead. she's going to meet us there." i didn't say where "there" was.

matt and i led the way, cut across the parking lot. we gave di the impression that she would be driving. jackie heard us coming and popped the trunk just in time. di climbed in.

we had planned to play "still" by the geto boys at full blast, but that fell through. instead jackie played a tune on a cd carl burned for her. and let me tell you, it was the most apeshit song i have ever heard in my entire life. it was only about 30 seconds long and sounded like it belonged at a baseball game/in the movie napoleon dynamite. it was fucking ridiculous. matt was riding shotgun, so he made sure that the song never stopped playing. it played over and over and over and over. every once in awhile he'd switch it over to a rap station, as per my suggestion. he'd leave it there for a couple of minutes, until di got used to it, and then he'd suddenly switch it back. somehow that made the song sound even more absurd. don't ask me how. i could not stop laughing the entire way to the mall.

jackie stopped at a gas station on the way there to fuel up. while we were at the pump jackie kicked the trunk, eliciting a cry from di. i swore at her and told her to shut the FUCK up, just like any good kidnapper would do.

finally we arrived at the mall of america. we opened the trunk to find di in the fetal position, shivering, blankets tightly wrapped around her. we forgot the trunk wasn't heated. oh well.

di climbed out.

we ate dinner at hooters around 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon. despite the fact that the restaurant was practically empty, we were seated at a table with a shitty view. matt and i decided to let di and jackie have the good seats.

i informed the waitress that it was di's birthday (almost), but she said that there weren't enough girls working to sing happy birthday. i was hella disappointed. it was fun anyway though.

fyi, in the above photo di and jackie are imitating the late pope. one of jackie's life goals is to pop the pope's cherry.

at the end of the meal matt pretended to steal jackie's keys and she pretended to chase him out of hooters. well, i guess i shouldn't say they pretended. matt did actually steal jackie's keys and jackie did actually chase him, but it was staged. it bought them just enough time for jackie to decorate the back seat and for matt to take off his clothes.

jackie was supposed to call me and let me know when di and i should meet them in the parking ramp, but jackie forgot her cellphone, and she couldn't remember my phone number. i let it show that i was worried and consequently di realized that something was up. but it all worked out: jackie called her cellphone, which was in my hand, from matt's cellphone, and we met them outside. i had wanted to get a picture of the inside of the car but matt wouldn't have it, so di just got in. she laughed for 5 minutes straight.

when she opened the car door, matt was in the back seat in a tuxedo g-string. in one hand he was holding an 8-inch (?) purple dildo and in the other, a fuckable inflatable sheep. napkins printed with penises (penes) were taped over the windows so no one would know matt was naked in the back seat. jackie's hot pink faux fur blanket was draped over the driver and passenger's seats such that the front and back seats were partitioned off. unfortunately i didn't get to see the back seat for myself, but if all went according to plan, and i'm assuming it did, then that's what it looked like. matt offered her a bowl (well, a jelly roll pan) of runts and penis candies (they were similarly colored). hidden inside was a lollicock - a huge green sucker shaped like a dick. as far as i know di still hasn't finished eating all 5 boxes of runts.

jackie and i waited until we could hear matt and di making out, and then we turned on and up the ridiculous song (i have to find out what it's called) so we couldn't hear them anymore.

eventually matt put his clothes back on and the four of us stopped at baker's square for dessert.

i sprinkled more penis candies on di's pie. she said they tasted good with whipped cream. to be honest they were flavorless. it was kind of disappointing considering how much we paid for them.

it's almost 10 and i have english and biology homework to do, so i'll write about the strip club some other time. also, because i arrived in japan exactly a year ago last friday, i'm planning on writing like 10 japan entries in a row. we'll see.

p.s. i fixed the broken images in my last entry, so if you didn't get a chance to see them before the diaryland server crash go ahead and take a look.

p.p.s. even though you don't read my diary anymore, happy 21st birthday, pat!