i dont even like monty python

on sunday i sent off an email to jwinokur asking if he was still sending out free autographed pictures of his pet horse testicles.

it doesnt look like he is though, which is too bad because theres something about that jar of horse testicles that is delightfully offensive. oh well.

i was kind of stuck on what to get moegi for her birthday, so my host family took me to the loft in sannomiya and moegi helped me out. she wanted scrapbooks, photo albums, diaries, etc. that she could use in america (moegis in minnesota right now as an exchange student and is currently attending my high school and living at my best friends house).

anyway, because im such a sucker for the loft and i hardly ever get the chance to go there, i did some shopping for myself too. i didnt end up buying anything though. as much as i wanted one there is just no practical use for an itty bitty zen garden. i liked the glass windchimes and the paper fans, too.

then moegi wanted to look at books, so all 4 of us (my host mother and father included) went to a bookstore. moegi bought a few books that couldnt have been over 100 pages each written by japanese authors, as well as emperor hirohitos biography, which was not only in english but at LEAST 1,500 pages. if i read it from cover to cover it would probably take a month, so i gave moegi a year. i dont think she believed me. i wonder if shes even started it yet. shes probably been too busy.

anyway, i bought 3 books, all by japanese authors and translated into english: kitchen (by banana yoshimoto), lizard (ditto), and the doctors wife (by sawako ariyoshi).

my host family and i ate lunch at a german restaurant where everything was german except the food. the only german item on the menu was sausage and im not kidding. but the restaurants architecture and interior design was german, and so were the costumes the waitresses were wearing, so that makes it a german restaurant. i guess.

oh oh oh, and i saw my first japanese midget! (since then ive seen 2 more.)

i finished kitchen the same day i bought it. i dont write book reviews.

monday, may 24, 2004

on monday the train was PACKED, so packed i couldnt even think about moving, and i was as cool as a cucumber. man oh man, i was so proud of myself. i was having a hard time keeping my balance so a japanese businessman stepped out of the way (dont ask me how) so i could hang on to one of the handlebars. i didnt know it at the time, but 9 times out of 10 a japanese man will not go out of his way to do something for a woman. ive had men, particularly middle-aged men, walk right into me just because they couldnt be bothered to go around me. if youre wondering why i didnt move, its because i couldnt. its not always like that, though. not everyone is a sexist ass.

anyway, moegi wanted to switch to the local train, which is a lot less crowded, so we did. i took a seat and got started on the doctors wife.

hyemi showed up at the library in the middle of my 1st period study hall and cut my emailing time short, but i didnt mind. we talked a little about how because of susan and ashley we werent able to study japanese as quickly as we wanted. susan isnt really studious in the first place, but ashley actually taught herself japanese so the fact that she was keeping up was really something. unfortunately that didnt keep hyemi and i from being bored off of our asses during japanese class, especially since we studied ahead.

hyemi also showed me this notebook that she and a girl at kobejogakuin wrote letters in back and forth. she let me draw pictures in it with her colored gel pens. hyemi fell in love with fierce tomato, a character that i thought up 2 and a half years ago when i came to japan for 3 weeks with the KCC tour group. she couldnt get over how cute it was. she said, "how cute is it!"

all that week there were student teachers from kobe college filling in. ozawa-senseis student teacher rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. she said she lived in england for awhile but she sounded like a robot when she spoke english and didnt have an english accent. she also had a lazy eye, even though thats not something she has any control over. but i have to mention it because its important later in the story. anyway, she said that she LOVES british literature and humor. i couldnt help snorting at the last part, because i dont get british humor at all. sorry. looking back i shouldve kept my feelings to myself, but this was before id gotten the hang of thinking before speaking/acting.

the student teacher asked for a show of hands of anyone that had seen any british movies or read british literature and my hand went up. she called on me but because of her lazy eye i couldnt tell if she was looking at me or not. but then i noticed that i was the only one with my hand up. i was so unnerved that all that came to mind was monty python.

england and america share a history, even though both sides like to ignore it. ive probably read more british literature than i realize, and the same goes for movies. i was embarrased that all i could come up with was monty python, a movie i dont even like. i wanted to go back in time and change my answer. instead i read more of the doctors wife to get the student teachers mechanical-sounding english out of my head.

okay, so before i get to the next part i have to explain what sports day is all about. basically, the entire school is divided up into teams (a-gumi, e-gumi, i-gumi, ya-gumi, ha-gumi, and mi-gumi) and they compete in various games (there are also gakupa performances). but instead of the entire team participating in a game, whoever wants to can sign up, and a small (or big in some cases) group will represent their team. i didnt really care either way what games they put me in so i was signed up for tug-o-war and kibasen. kiba means knight and sen means warfare, so... knight warfare. in kibasen 2 kumis (same as gumi, which means group) compete. each kumi has like 10 groups of 4 girls each. 3 girls are the "horse" and 1 girl is the "knight." the girls that make up the horse form a triangle, all facing the front, and link arms tightly. then the knight climbs on top and uses the front of the horse for balance. the knight wears a hat. the goal is to take the other kumis hats. the team that loses all their hats first loses.

i was the front of the horse, which is pretty tough. as the front of the horse i had to (1) bear most of the knights weight, (2) make sure the knight didnt lose her balance while she was fighting for hats, (3) get aggressive with other horses and try to knock their knight off the horse, and (4) not lose my grip.

its a really complicated game but hopefully my explanation kind of makes sense. if it sounds dangerous, thats because it is.

anyway. i was in a-gumi, and there was a-gumi-kibasen practice at lunch. my group was made up of 2 J girls (underclassmen) and tomoko, whos an S2 girl like me. i think that was the first time id ever met tomoko. shes so nice, and kind of touchy-feely. tomoko was the knight, and while shes definitely not fat shes a little on the tall side for a japanese girl. plus im weak. tomoko had me and the 2 J girls kneel on the ground and lock our arms together and then stand up after shed gotten on. the J girls got up, no problem, but for some reason i could not stand up. after a few tries and a lot of screamed obscenities i finally got up. walking around like that was awkward. i had to think about the 2 girls behind me and the girl putting all her weight on my shoulders at the same time. the urge to let go of the other girls hands was strong since i was in a lot of pain. luckily kibasen usually takes less than a minute.

later i found out that ashley was picked to be the front of a horse too (except she was in mi-gumi). we were probably chosen because were bigger than everyone else. together we are approximately 3.5 japanese girls.

japanese class was a waste of time. id already studied that section like 2 weeks ago and blah blah blah. during the break ashley returned geisha: a life. we agreed to have a discussion about it some other time. after class i told her about the new books i bought on saturday and promised to lend them to her sometime to get her opinion. i think i ended up lending her lizard and thats it. she wasnt interested in kitchen (i probably shouldve left out the part about there being a transgendered character) or the doctors wife.

after school i waited outside moegis homeroom for like 30 minutes. this is when we were still going home together after school. it turned out she had to stay after school anyway for chorus practice, so i just went home without her. i read more of the doctors wife and my 90-minute commute seemed to fly by.

my host mother set out an after-school snack for me - butaman (butaman is actually chinese. its like a big dumpling. theres dough on the outside and buta, or pig, on the inside) and a glass of orange juice.

later on i finished the doctors wife. the last sentence was really, really depressing.

on tv there were cutesy japanese pop idols wearing yukatas (summer kimonos) that came up to their knees. in case you didnt know yukatas as supposed to go down to your ankles. and they were wearing like canvas sneakers instead of geta. it was hella cute. my host mother said that thats the style now, but that the yukatas dont come like that and that you have to cut them yourself. i dont think i could bring myself to cut a yukata. maybe if i was made of money.

maybe.