if only

Why the hell is gym a required class? That's all I want to know.

As of late, we've been forced to journey to the weight room every other day and work out all hour on the various machines. I was somewhat apprehensive at first -- you know, since I'm so weak I can barely lift up my pudgy cat -- but I figured that at least I'd be able to avoid the ten-foot radius that surrounds the bench press.

But, of course, what's the first required piece of equipment used while in the weight room? That's right, my children, the dreaded bench press.

And you know what else? My partner just happens to be this hefty chick who's got more than her fair share of bulk to throw around. That, and I'm fairly sure she lacks any personal hygiene whatsoever. I'm not quite sure if this aversion of cleanliness among the heavily overweight is just coincidental or if it's some unspoken code. However you want to look at it, I hope the fact that she's got an aura of stench emanating around her particularly large form is unanimously agreed upon.

For whatever reason, on the way back to the locker room, every time without fail, I almost accidently walk into the guy's locker room. Yeah, that wouldn't reap good results.

Upon arriving in the locker room that, fortunately, matches my gender (trust me on this one, the guys at my school are definitely not at the top of the heap of those deemed tasty), I overheard an interesting conversation. Basically, to save all of you from a long minute-by-minute account filled to the brim with an over-dosage of slang, someone got in deep shit with the administration for harassing someone else.

The response was, in essence, 'What did this someone say? That that the other person was fat?'

I thought it was intriguing that they automatically assumed the person was harassed for being rotund. I smirked and wished that was the only thing my peers could come up with for insults.

If only.