twine/twaddle/all of the above

Okay, now I'm beginning to think it's the entire week that's spiraling into the abyss, not just yesterday. But hey, at least today wasn't as bad as yesterday -- oh, wait, that's what I would say if I were an optimist. Bah.

There were some additional events that occurred yesterday that I didn't get a chance to write about, so, since you don't have anything more important to be doing in the first place, I'll enlighten you. Works out pretty well, considering I'd rather not get into the specifics of why today sucked.

First off, after piano lessons yesterday, I went with my parents to Heritage (that would be the middle school I attended, which I spoke of here) while they voted on a referendum that district 197 was trying to pass. It lost, if you happen to care. My dad's been experiencing mild flu symptoms lately, so he wasn't exactly feeling merciful.

Moving on, when we entered Heritage's gym, a table stood before us. I don't know how they managed to forget the part where you put up signs so people know where to go for their section of the alphabet. I guess that's what happens when your IQ starts deteriorating to the point of being unable to outsmart a damp rock. My parents and I randomly chose a line and stood there. Because damnit, if they refuse to make a sign in order to preserve their salon-styled fingernails, they don't deserve that much effort.

Ten minutes later, we reach the head of the line. It takes this long because the people manning the table are illiterate. Naturally.

My mom tells the flaky minion of education our last name.

'Oh,' she replies flatly, eyes glossy and vacant. 'That part of the alphabet is on the other end of the table.'

My dad, as previously mentioned, is in no mood for these pansy games.

'Why isn't there a sign?' he asks, irritated.

The tumbleweeds dancing in the head of the woman cannot conjure up enough of energy to attempt some sort of response signaling that our presence has been acknowledged. All she needed was this bar above her head that read 'PROCESSING,' then an alert stating that an error had occured in KERNAL32.DLL, and finally, approximately six blue-screen errors as all active programs come to a screeching halt.

After dealing with USWest customer service representatives, we are familiar with this reaction.

After standing in the second line in annoyance, another woman informs us that our last name is included in the other part of the alphabet, which is farther down the table (i.e. where we were just standing).

By this time I notice that the two pawns have replied in a similar manner. I assume the third one, the one with custody over the brain, is out for a coffee break.

My dad breaks the uncomfortable silence and says, exasperated, 'The yo-yo on the other end of the table told us to come over here!'

Sometimes, when I actually attended Heritage, I'd wonder if the staff intentionally acted as though they were a few clowns short of the circus to illustrate to us the sort of people we'd have to deal with in the real world. Last night I realized, that, no, they're really that foolish.

On a sidenote, it seems condescending to me when teachers address life out of school as the 'real world.' Hah, I'd accept half of a teacher's salary (which, after doing some arithmetic, I notice is ten beans¹) as payment for going to school daily.

But yeah, anyway. My parents eventually voted in some form or another, and as we were pulling out of the parking lot, my mom announced that she wanted to go to GNC and replenish her stock of drugs.

While my mom browsed the shelves, I enjoyed listening in on a highly intelligent conversation taking place elsewhere in the store. I'll share some excerpts of it with you.

'Dude, people just don't understand that my entire life is lifting weights...'

'...Who needs relationships when you can lift weights? Relationships crumble; weights never abandon you...'

'...I set up this friend of mine with this one chick, and I don't know, man, she was all bitching and shit because they didn't spend enough time together, or something.'

'Hah, I've never even had the time for a girlfriend! I lift weights for two hours every night, she'd just get in the way of things, y'know?'

My dad grunted and muttered, 'What twaddle.'

I'd never even heard of the word 'twaddle' before. As my mind flipped through its index of vocabulary, it showed me a spool of twine instead.

To quote Two Stupid Dogs: 'Aww, isn't that cute? -- BUT IT'S WRONG!'

Never liked that show much.

¹ Beans is part of this system a former friend of mine developed, the system being renaming the titles of American currency. Dollars translate into beans.