don't feed the koalas
The following is an excerpt from a real-life account, portraying my loyalty to Diaryland through the art of recruitment.
AngeLofIllusioN: Why did you get a diary
in the first place, 'Hraig?
AngeLofIllusioN: 'HRAIG! -blows a
whistle- ABOUT FACE!
RedClaw49: -lol-
RedClaw49: -snaps to attention-
RedClaw49: Yes, M'AM!
AngeLofIllusioN: Why did you get a diary
in the first place and use it for one measly
entry? Why?! WHY, I ASK?!
RedClaw49:
Because I'm lazy, M'am.
AngeLofIllusioN: Then why did you begin
a diary, knowing well that you are LAZY,
soldier?!
RedClaw49: It was suggested to me
by a friend, M'am!
AngeLofIllusioN: And I'm suggesting you
pick up the pace and add some more
ENTRIES, soldier!
RedClaw49: No, M'am!
AngeLofIllusioN: Or you will soon find
your grill capped and your house
BURNED TO THE GROUND, soldier!
RedClaw49: -lol-
RedClaw49: Grill capped? ;p
AngeLofIllusioN: YES! DO YOU HAVE A
PROBLEM WITH THAT STATE OF
AFFAIRS, SOLDIER!?
RedClaw49: NO, M'am. I do not
know what it is, M'am.
RedClaw49: -lol-
AngeLofIllusioN:Maybe if you DUST the
cobwebs from the WINDMILLS of your
MIND you'll discover that keeping a
diary leads to the path of
ENLIGHTENMENT and soon you'll find
yourself KEENLY AWARE of what
occurs in the 'capping of the grill,' soldier!
RedClaw49: -LOL!-
RedClaw49: No, M'am.
AngeLofIllusioN: Why do you meekly utter
'NO,' soldier?!
RedClaw49: -lol-
RedClaw49: NO, M'am.
AngeLofIllusioN: Why is it that you SHUN
the medicinal and spiritual benefits of a
DIARY, soldier?! Is it perhaps that your
die-hard usage of PLASTIC SHEETS
leaves you feeling too feminine, soldier?!
Do you think DIARIES are for PANSIES,
soldier?!
RedClaw49: -LOL!-
RedClaw49: Plastic sheets?
AngeLofIllusioN: Don't feign ignorance
with me, soldier. We both are aware of
your chronic bed-wetting syndrome.
RedClaw49: -lol-
AngeLofIllusioN: Well, soldier? Why do
you CAST AWAY the LOVE diaries
have for you and your people, soldier?
RedClaw49: -lol-
AngeLofIllusioN: Cease your TIP-TOEING
around ANSWERING my
CANNIBALISTIC, PRODDING
QUESTIONS, soldier!
RedClaw49: BRB.
AngeLofIllusioN: I do not recall giving you
permission to go wipe away the tears of
defeat, soldier.
RedClaw49: Back.
RedClaw49: -is no longer teary- :P
AngeLofIllusioN: The time has come,
soldier. Answer my COLD, COLD
questions that are lacking in MERCY and
LOVE.
RedClaw49: -LOL!-
RedClaw49: Like what?
AngeLofIllusioN: Why have you
SHUNNED the ways of the DIARY
people, soldier? A people who are rich in
CULTURE and DIVERSITY. Why do
you TURN YOUR BACK upon them
when all they are seeking is
ACCEPTANCE, soldier?
AngeLofIllusioN: Why do you so
VEHEMENTLY REFUSE, in all of your
TREMBLING WEAKNESS, to join the
CIRCLE of DIARIES that remains
UNBROKEN?
RedClaw49: -lol-
RedClaw49: Oh dear. ;-)
AngeLofIllusioN: Why do you
SELFISHLY IGNORE my ATTEMPTS
to set you upon the PATH of
RIGHTEOUSNESS, soldier?
RedClaw49: -lmao-
RedClaw49: 'Cause it's fun.
AngeLofIllusioN: Let me make you aware
of some INSIGHT, soldier. If you do not
begin using your diary CONTINUALLY,
sharing with it your INNERMOST
SECRETS, there will be consequences.
AngeLofIllusioN: Such consequences
include having your skin PEELED from
your CHILLY BODY with the aid of a
CHEESE GRATER.
RedClaw49: -lol-
AngeLofIllusioN: Your hideous remains
will then be SMEARED upon the walls, a
reminder to ALL to love, respect, and
embrace their OWN diaries, in the
collaborative efforts shared by everyone
to help their diaries feel ACCEPTED.
AngeLofIllusioN: The walls are closing in,
soldier. Hold your diary CLOSE within
the circle of your arms...
RedClaw49: I see.
AngeLofIllusioN: ...or face having your
limbs shipped off to THIRD WORLD
COUNTIRES to use as BASEBALL
BATS.
AngeLofIllusioN:The time is now, soldier.
Will you shower your diary with love and
take advantage of it like a cheap slut? Or
will you sacrifice yourself as FOOD for the CARNIVOROUS KOALAS?